International Politics and You

As a single man I've become increasingly annoyed by the terms of endearment people use for one another. "honey", "sweetheart", "darling" not only are they sickly sweet, but they're not very imaginative. It used to be acceptable in cockney rhyming slang to refer to your friends as "chinas", (china-plate = mate). But I think that we should extend this idea and start calling our loved ones by using country-based metaphors.

"My little Easter-Island" for the partner who is mysterious but has a big head.

"She's my Switzerland" for your wife. Yes she's beautiful but the second there's a conflict she's going to end up amassing large amounts of wealth that's not hers.

"I'm your Iraq" is obviously for a catholic masochist, you're basically saying "enter me roughly and repeatedly, but each time pull out before you've finished."

Next year I want a card asking me to be someone's Palestine...

Apologies to people who read my blog via RSS - I've had to re-post this about three times to remove the horrible formatting errors that I introduced by writing it off-line and then copying it into my blog editor.